http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CK1KdAha78&feature=player_embedded
Yesterday i was looking through Megan's blog and this youtube video on her blog appealed to me. It is a documentry on Aokigahara a place in Japan, this place is also know as the sea of trees. This documentry is based on the sufferings in Japan, where they commit sucide every year. In fact Aokigahara is one of the most well known places in Japan for people to commit suicide.
Every year People's mental illnesses are getting worse and worse. I belive depression is the main cause of it. This illness can be caused by relationships, problems within the family, self-confidents and many more. People who died from commiting suicide belived that death is the ONLY way out, but it isn't. There are many people around them who really cares about them but they don't take any notice because of the negative thoughts in their head. Friends and family members should always pay great attention to the one they love because sometimes they hidden things so well that you think there is nothing wrong with them when they are suffering in silent. So if you notice any abnormal behaviour you should talk and try to help them because you will make a great difference in their life.
People out there who needs help PLEASE call life help line: 13 11 14.
Remember you are not alone in this world
all spelling corrections are in bold.
ReplyDeleteYesterday i was looking through Megan's blog and this YouTube video on her blog appealed to me. It is a documentary on Aokigahara a place in Japan, this place is also know as the sea of trees. This documentary is based on the sufferings (???) in Japan, where they commit suicide every year. In fact Aokigahara is one of the most well known places in Japan for people to commit suicide.
Every year peoples' mental illnesses are getting worse and worse. I believe depression is the main cause of it. This illness can be caused by relationships, problems within the family, self-confidence and many more. People who died from commuting suicide believed that death is the ONLY way out, but it isn't (confusion of tense here). There are many people around them who really cares about them but they don't take any notice because of the negative thoughts in their head. Friends and family members should always pay great attention to the one they love because sometimes they hidden things so well that you think there is nothing wrong with them when they are suffering in silence. So if you notice any abnormal behaviour you should talk and try to help them because you will make a great difference in their life.
People out there who needs help PLEASE call life help line: 13 11 14.
Remember you are not alone in this world.
good post, but rewording/rephrasing/re-organising everything is required to show much more fluency in the post. below i have written out my version of everything you said here. note how i phrase the sentences and how it links together.
Yesterday I was looking through Megan's blog and happened to come across this YouTube video of a documentary which appealed to me greatly. In this documentary, a location in Japan called Aokigahara (also known as The Sea of Trees) is featured as a well known place for suicides in Japan.
Every year, the numbers of people suffering from mental illness, depression and the like are increasing dramatically and I believe that the tough conditions of capitalism society today is the main cause of this for example relationships, family issues and self confidence all have their input to what is driving people of today insane. People who decided to take suicide as an escape route are the people who believed that they had nothing to live for anymore and thus, decided that death was the only way to escape from their lives. Unfortunately, they didn't realise that with their death, they bring upon more sadness to others, like a chain reaction. Family and friends are the people we seek when we are in trouble, but these people seemed to not be aware that sometimes one needs to speak up during times of suffering, not hide their pain whilst suffering in the dark. As a message to everything: if you notice any abnormal behavior in someone, you should try to talk to them and attempt to help because you might save a life. //
your ideas are great and i'm happy that you are doing your best to convey your opinions and i can sense a great jump of improvement amongst your use of language. i believe that you can take things another further level ahead and it won't kill to quadruple check everything to see if there are any more better words to use instead of _____ and if you can rephrase it to allow the sentence to flow more smoothly. good job!